


repression 101

by yosef_the_tycoon



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Lena Luthor Knows Kara Danvers Is Supergirl, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Lena Luthor-centric, Lesbian Lena Luthor, Light Angst, POV Lena Luthor, Protective Kara Danvers, Sad Lena Luthor, and Kara knowing Lena better than anyone, ft lena and her unprocessed trauma, like it's past just read with caution
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:33:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24098890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yosef_the_tycoon/pseuds/yosef_the_tycoon
Summary: Lena isn't afraid of death anymore. That doesn't mean attempts on her life don't scare the shit out of her.It's the middle of the night, she's drunk and alone, so sue her. She calls Kara.
Relationships: Kara Danvers & Lena Luthor, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 7
Kudos: 285





	repression 101

**Author's Note:**

> it's really never addressed that people just,,,, keep trying to kill lena? there's no way she's totally chill with that.
> 
> also ft lena and her unhealthy coping mechanisms, so if self harm/alcohol etc is a trigger be careful
> 
> other than that enjoy our favourite bean comforting our fave sad boi during sad boi hours

It's two in the morning. She doesn't expect Kara to pick up, of course she doesn't. She just feels alone.

Lena has always felt this way. She tries to put everything in boxes but she knows she's an emotional person. She feels everything too deeply. And she's the kind of person to be overwhelmed by sadness or numbness or loneliness.

She knows it's part of the depression she's been all but diagnosed with. She's better these days, she is. This crap doesn't control her anymore.

Still. There are good days and bad days.

Today is a bad day. She's spent all day working. Two separate people have tried to kill her this week - first some dick with an actual homemade bomb, and then a fucking sniper on a roof. If Supergirl - if Kara - hadn't been there, she would be dead. No question.

She can't bring herself to sleep, even though she feels bone tired. It's that bullshit dichotomy of having no motivation, and knowing there are things that need to be done. And of course there's a little voice telling her there are razors in the bathroom. 

Scotch in hand, she's just staring at the wall and making a half-assed attempt of telling herself to go to bed. Or at least do work.

There's a shift in her brain, and her apartment suddenly seems huge. And alien. Standing up, she paces around. She feels tight and wound up, and numb at the same time. Toughness travels from her chest to her throat. She wants coke. She wants to sleep.

A long time ago, a therapist told her a consequence of emotional repression is that sometimes the emotions of difficult events take several days to catch up.

Lena has a lot of repressed emotion. And she definitely didn't feel much during this week's assassination attempts. She has several unopened DM's from Kelly. 

She sits back on the couch and rubs her forehead. Her head is pounding, and she should definitely go to sleep. She surprises herself by sobbing instead.

The worst part is that she lets herself do it. She puts up an outer shell that everyone seems to see through. Still, Lena Luthor doesn't cry. At least, she shouldn't. And here she is, sobbing like a damn baby over nothing.

She's fucking stupid and annoying and alone in the world. There are people, now, who say they are her friends. How to handle friendship isn't something she was ever taught.

Lena doesn't let herself cry for long. Instead, she finishes her scotch and decides she'll sleep on the couch.

Kara told her that she could call about anything. She knows calling her will make her feels tethered to the world again. Still, she just looks at her contact for a stupid amount of time. If she wasn't a little tipsy she doubts she would ever have pressed call.

But she does.

To her surprise, Kara picks up.

"Lena? Is that you?" she says. She doesn't sound like she was sleeping.

Lena hadn't expected to get this far. She doesn't actually know what to say. How to explain why she's calling at two in the fucking morning. Because she's lonely? Because she's scared? Because she kind of wants to hurt herself? Because she suddenly feels untethered and small and worthless?

She doesn't even know why, if she's honest. It was stupid to call. Could she just say it was a wrong number? No, that wouldn't work.

Opening her mouth, she tries to apologise and hang up. It just doesn't quite work. Irritatingly, there is a lump in her throat and the words just won't come out.

"Are you okay?" Kara says.

Shit. It's been way too long and Lena still hasn't said anything. She's still sorting through all the bullshit swirling in her head and trying to make it halfway comprehensible to herself. "Yeah," she manages, but she knows Kara can hear so thing is off. It's like she has a sixth sense. 

"Okay, that's cool, you don't have to say anything. I'll just talk. Whatever is going on, you're bigger than it. You're one of the strongest, coolest people I know - and I know a lot of very cool badasses. You're tough and smart and beautiful and kind and generous, and I'm lucky to know you. And I'm not just saying that because you're calling in the middle of the night, it's true. And I'll keep saying it until you believe it too. I'm totally happy to stay talking with you as long as you want, alright? Although I do think you should try and get some sleep, because things always looks better in the morning," she finishes.

Kara's voice makes her feel anchored. Her ridiculous descriptions of Lena makes her smile. She's right, she should just sleep on it.

"Thank you," she says simply, and hangs up.


End file.
